teen angels, by lil scarab

teen angels

by lil scarab

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limited edition collaged teen angels cd
Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album
unique & individual collaged cd covers, handmade with love by lil scarab!! includes tracklist, cd, and a special note. only 12 so reserve your copy fast!! you can email me if you're interested in specific ones at queensophilah@gmail.com <3 <3 <3 **not all cases shown!!!**

Includes unlimited streaming of teen angels via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

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1.	divorcing u 02:15	lyrics	buy track
Feeling so betrayed and I can’t wait to spend the night I can’t believe an old best friend would ruin my life I can’t smoke weed, and I can’t take pills while they dab I’m chain smoking till I feel ill Why won’t these doctors leave me alone I promise I don’t use too much, just wanna go home keep me away from that 30 day treatment plan...man… So lets cock hammers at all the fucking snitches at least now I don’t get vicodin itches! Yeah i know, I can’t blame it all on you but I want to I just fucking want to Now all the weekends with my friends are a struggle maybe they’re all druggies too, just like me and you ~~I’m divorcing you, don’t wanna hear about the drugs you do I’m divorcing you, don’t wanna hear don’t wanna hear about the drugs you do~~ So close to 18 taste on my tongue once I’m there, I’ll be having so much fun Punch all you suckers in the face when you don’t call me they and whatever I hate that I still have all our letters I wanna throw you out like the trash, it’s trashmouse lil scarab ready to get smashed I just wanted help, but it made things worse the hospital was my choice, don’t be a jerk I was just doing drugs because I felt sad, now my parents are so fucking mad do you realize I almost got sent away So don’t try knocking, I can’t come out to play ~~chorus~~
2.	alone (x3) 02:46	lyrics	buy track
I’m all alone every night checking locks and turning on the lights Don’t step on the cracks or walk on the white of the street counting the steps of my feet I don’t wanna be like this anymore cracking my head open behind closed doors And all the ones I love are slipping away and I’m getting worse--with every awful day I keep hiding but it doesn’t make it better I’m crying in the sleeves of all my sweaters and I’m waiting and waiting and waiting Just being by myself is so sedating Some day you will ache like I ache taking benadryl until your little limbs break Snaking the convulsions of your heart with the beating of the timer keep trying to get higher ~~ Our friendship died but my lighter’s still alive I’ve let these memories get so far inside it doesn’t matter when you tell me that you love me, all I’m watching is flashbacks like they’re on TV So please don’t make me think of his face and his hands the grabbing of my throat and the invitations to his band He had me captivated, fireball intoxicated the sweat is all around me, I’m full of hatred I can’t contain the way that I am it’s spilling out till I can’t even stand All the things I’ve imagined are coming alive and I can’t breathe I can’t speak I can’t hide I don’t wanna stay here another day and nothing in me is ever gonna change All the medicines I’ve tried, spit them out until I cry and I can’t leave my house cos I’m so traumatized Please help me lithium stealthy extra gabapentin and I’m rustling in my seat Heart beats faster in movies where they grab her I’m turning down the volume cos my vision’s getting flatter (just go away, fuck off, I’m all alone)
3.	grow up 03:55	lyrics	buy track
Praying to the light cos I feel so alone backed up left out so outgrown I know it’s in my head, but I feel it everyday remembering in kindergarten when we used to play I wish we could do all the things we used to do together sleepover in every weather Pacing back and forth in the orchards drinking white wolf torching crushes… When I tried to leave the world, you made me a box full of memories, then we got it on lock Cos I never used to talk about all the things that plagued me, now that’s all I do everytime I see you ~~I miss watching dumb TV shows, I miss the way we always used to know We grew up together under sycamore boughs we’re growing up together and I miss you now (I miss you now...x2)~~ You were my Lolita, my Sasha Grey coming up with codewords so that we could say, the pills we were snitching and stealing away now all that’s left is my dumb phone case I try not to think about the ways you fucked me over getting caught every time we weren’t sober We used to know what the other wanted lay around for hours, taking baths and showers together Melted candles and blood vows wedding vows, but I was too scared to talk about my gender What a true friend you were… ~~chorus (mushroom vows)~~ The way that I feel is always up and down squashing all the memories don’t let them come around I’m braindead, dizzy, filled with remorse and I can’t do anything about it of course Why can’t anybody anyone see my illness is my best friend I don’t want it to leave I love the way that you leave me, I can’t stop thinking and my heart won’t stop beating like I’ve begged for so many times in the walls of the earth and it stall my rhymes I don’t wanna miss out, all the things I’m missing wanna smoke with my friends and think about kissing you instead of listing all the things that are wrong and writing more fucked up songs… ~~chorus~~
4.	permanence 02:57	lyrics	buy track
All I wanna feel is your hands around my throat but you won’t do that, no baby you won’t cos you’re just too nice to me and I wish that I could see how it might be good to have somebody who cares but I don’t and it’s my life so it’s really not fair that I have to keep showing everyone I’m here and I’m not, I’m falling, fading fast and I don’t know how long I’m trying to last I wanna be wild, I wanna mess around things are getting pretty serious since you came to town We spent every day together, and it’s always been forever you were so nice and sweet and kind to me now my mental illness like the rest has got the best of me I say sorry to my baby-- for what I put you through, all the crying and the hyperventilating apologizing, and going insane-ing… I just wanna have fun why go to school when it’s raining outside? and I’m the only one at home and you know we’ve got those joints with the green fairies on them and lately I’ve been thinking bout the boys who ripped me from my stem little flower wilting on the windowsill, waiting to be taken from this illness… ~~ It grips me when I see you walking from a distance the grating of your feet on the sidewalk, remembering the way you talk and those little tattoos i gave to you with a needle and thread, when I stabbed you, you bled and we laughed and I washed your skin and we talked about Odd Future probably, honestly…(2013!) You said that I should name my kitten after you prophetic dream come true and the bad parts too all that’s left is your nudes… But it’s two years later, I’m not your little girl and I’m glad not to have your diseases in my world I hope you stopped saying the n-word…...FUCKER
5.	let me go 02:20		buy track
6.	gemini moon 03:18	lyrics	buy track
I’m too scared to write and too scared to talk feeling everything go through me as I walk through the branches and at least it’s spring now everything is growing and the things inside me, coming out all the vines wrap around my arms and a little sprout grows from my heart the bottom of my body sinks into the earth and I just can’t stop, always questioning my worth I’m restless, bouncing up and down in my seat I want the bright light of the sun and the heat please save me from these boring days, oh wait that’s every one it feels like only once a week we have some fun and pills are always in the back of my mind don’t wanna let them go and I haven’t even tried ~~restless moon, restless moon, take me somewhere somewhere soon~~ (x2) With the crescent moon resting, powder in the sidewalk I’ll take my little straw and rail until I can’t talk waiting for the energy, waiting for revival, waiting to just be distracted for a while… Don’t leave me with you money or your pills or your weed cos even though I love you what is stronger is my greed and I’ll shake your knapsack down for the party in your pocket steal your own picture out of your lockets No stress when I’m on the beat I really didn’t think that you would leave and I’m trying not to think about the ways that we would chill every single day talk about being ill And it’s been a year since I was taken upstairs hell-earth, I couldn’t even move my legs, I couldn’t even hurt so this is what I’m worth, this is what I’m worth.... ~~chorus~~
7.	spring edition 02:38	lyrics	buy track
We’re sassing every day, and the grass keeps slipping away through our fingers and our mouths and the smoke we blow out always back n forth, playing spin the bottle and I’m feeling worthless Waiting for the tumble of the glass on wood breathing hold on to my hair, cos I think you really should warm circle love and the lights dimmed cos…… ~~spring edition, spring edition think we’re really here bongs crystal clear for our senior year spring edition, spring edition now it’s our time empty lil bags all my friends and their rhymes…~~ I’m a princess I’m a daisy I’m a little dandelion blow my seeds off, all your wishes say you’re lying straight to my face, give it to me I can take it cos I’m gathering them up, sip your lies like the drink in my cup And we’re breaking all the bottles, and dropping all the glasses cleaning up the sticky floors, xanax in all of our classes and I take my stupid meds cos you tell me I should do it Lithium and all, it’s so hard to go through with it wishing I was back in the rag painted walls singing silly songs and dancing through the halls ~~chorus~~ I need to go back to my kindergarten ways in a fairy bower fairy flower fairy haze Living in an unreal world for too many years I just feel so small and it’s frozen all my tears but I got my pink hair, and so everyone is smiling compiling the creepy looks, the ugly compliments from the bros on the street that think they’re real men… all of the flowers, and all of the trees are strong and alive, and they protect me (x2) ~~chorus~~
8.	weekend love 01:38	lyrics	buy track
Everything is swimming and the fairy lights are dimming we’re swaying side by side hold on trying to keep drinking the pavement’s stuck inside my feet everyone keeps switching seats around me lift me up I think that I am drowning ~~listening to nothing was the same//playing little games all your kisses taste the same//all your kisses feel like rain always fucked up when we’re listening to Drake kiss me never say my name//all your kisses taste the same~~ The goal is to be passing out slur your words and shut your mouth smoking joints like cigarettes until the sun comes out chardonnay and iced tea the moon reaches out and holds on to me showing how we cover up our eyes so we can see ~~chorus~~
9.	chico summer chico 02:45	lyrics	buy track
There’s nothing left to do but be bored I got my Waldorf cord and I walked across the stage and I’m good and it’s over anyways “try not to be boring try to think of things to say” but nothing’s coming out besides how much I love Drake my house isn’t so lonely with the pictures on my walls by my expert artist friends and they look like all of them moving with the tides, I count up all their signs and divide Slipping quarters in the little notches for the washer it’s really getting hotter really gotten so much hotter so much hotter and I’m sorry and it’s hotter and I’m really really sorry ~~don’t have to know what day or time it is-it’s summer! why count how many times I’ve smoked today? it’s summer! we’re waiting for the fun to come our way-it’s summer when it comes it never stays--a fucking bummer~~ We’ve seen every fucking little street a fucking million times when I recognize everybody downtown I’m really not surprised now I realize that I’m really staying in this town and my fucking friends are moving and they’re scattering around and I’m waiting to wake up right back in the 8th grade before I started dreaming and before I got so jaded ~~chorus~~
10.	summer breeze 03:02	lyrics	buy track
It started in the summer and faded to the fall our need to be constantly having a ball we ran up to the train and watched it on the tracks the wind blew our hair and we just laughed sprinting stopping snorting more Ambien twisting through the floorboards if you throw up, just do another line we’re gonna play if the sun’s gonna shine and it’s not gonna be me lining up to do the chores I can’t wait to get out all of you are such bores and I wanna new life and a pound of medicine the joints are rolling up and I’m starting to grin cos while I’m thinking of all these stories I’m not reassessing what I thought was glory I think so now and I will think so the rest of my life as long as it goes ~~summer breeze, summer summer breeze summer breeze, whistle through the trees summer breeze, summer summer breeze summer breeze, fix me please/will you fix me please~~ Waiting for the little things that make me feel chill you know the ones I always talk about, those pills but nothing’s quite as real as the hours with my friends weeping at the heat begging for summer to end We’re free now but a little more trapped than before call me an adult, you’ll be hitting the floor still got my fairy wings and my old flute case while you’re looking for the fun, I’m already on the chase ~~chorus~~
11.	summer bubble 02:42	lyrics	buy track
Green leaves dry grass trying to get drunk fast wet hair lie down listen to our bodies sounds don’t talk about it, think about it, all we do is drink about it I love to look in your face and lie straight up smile wide as I spit in your cup speaking of you leaving we all know it stops our breathing so I just look down counting pebbles on the ground everything is changing my old self has been decaying shedding layers like the seasons on my knees I’m softly praying in your eyes I hear you praying all we are is waiting ~~don’t leave, without me, don’t see, just how i see//don’t leave, I’ve sunk my teeth, trust me, it’s how I breathe~~ Will this summer ever end? I don’t even wanna know won’t think about the new friends, they just wanna come and go let’s go to the bunny planet don’t wait by the phone steal your pills so I don’t panic see you in my window looking out, looking down watching me but you’ll never see me, no you’ll never find me I don’t wanna be seen ~~chorus~~ x2
12.	lifted//glowing 03:26	lyrics	buy track
Just a few moments ago we were wading down the creek smoking crushes counting how to be free slushy-stained summer waiting for everything to begin here we are at the end The light through the leaves finding new ways to perceive the world around me the stars are just so grounding Sprinkle on some keef and I’ll lay still till the end pretending I’m not missing my friends The hills and the streets are alive something I can’t find even when I’m accidentally trying not to hide poking out my little ears, sniffing with my nose only feeling fear to the tips of my toes ~~are you light are you bright are you lifted/are you lifted are you glowing/are you mighty, are you mighty?~~ Everything is dying in the fall it’s transition and it makes me wanna crawl into a ball safe there from them all from the faces and the minds and the words and the arms and the charms, I don’t wanna think about the charms I have my own bracelet, xanax on the label got it under the table! Wet gravel on my feet you’re telling me that I can’t leave now I can’t breathe make you dream of when you could breathe, make you wanna be me, make you dream of when that you could breathe… ~~chorus~~
13.	once upon a grasshopper 01:50	lyrics	buy track
Spindle legs, little heads little arms grasshoppers covering my feet and they kill me with their charms skipping stones, watch the throne we’re here little bugs swarming out of my ears and the tree reads a sermon through it’s leaves so we gather round to hear Dead grass and the last day of summer driving out way out Chico’s too much of a bummer and we’re fun, we just like to have fun we can’t be the only ones who just want a little more… kill me if I ever get bored! ~~It’s a fresh new start, trying not to fall apart/before the wheels begin spinning, and never ending~~
14.	"stay safe" 03:02	lyrics	buy track
I can’t stop thinking about you and I don’t want to when you tied me to a pole with your bike lock don’t stop don’t stop (don’t stop won’t stop!) Sneaking on my home phone call you when I’m too alone to breathe I really didn’t see back and forth up and down you were in my head, worried cos you wanna be dead That’s how we relate, love or hate I can’t tell pictures of our bodies on my cell you’re the reason that I hide my feelings staring at the ceiling while you say that I’m a ghost still you’re the most sad bear, strong hands, big wet tears fear seeping out our pores making little red sores like I always say, I hope that you’re ok… ~~I miss you, even after all the things we’ve been through/I miss you, even though I never know what you’re gonna do/I miss you, even after all the shit we’ve been through/and I miss you, you’re stuck in my head don’t know what to do…~~ Messages on messages I don’t know how to help when you have to save yourself I’m just waiting on the shelf you’re smart enough to see, you can really play with me Wading in the creek on my little pills you look away fucking sixteen was too much that day……(whatever!!!) Are you the one at fault or am I? even though you make me cry, and cry and cry we both really wanna die Talk to me just so I know you’re still alive can’t hide laying on the grass 2013 to 15 all the times we lied… ~~chorus~~
15.	DPHXM 03:08	lyrics	buy track
I never thought that I would have too much to do not even 18 and I’m taking care of you At least I’m trying cos your mind is spiraling and there is nothing else that I can do Seizing on the ground dumping bong water think it’s getting hotter in here, I think it’s getting hotter Try to light the candles and try to find a lighter it’s been missing since forever I don’t think you’ll find the lighter… I’m crying crying on the ground--you’re all eaten up wanna go buy more I can’t tell you it’s enough I am the enabler, watch me getting stabler while you’re fading fast, little gasps Didn’t get to trip the way you thought you would telling all the EMTs that it’s all good you just need some time, need a couple more pills, and everything is going to be fine.... ~~i wish that we were both ok together~~ (x4) I wish that everything wasn’t so messed up the world is unreality I can’t get up outta bed now I’m worried that you’re dying I don’t know what happened Hallucinate all night in an unfamiliar bed I know that it was scary but without it you’d be dead all of a sudden things are too out of control you’re somewhere that I’ve never been, the wildness is taking hold ~~and you are spinning-spinning and my head is ringing-ringing and we can’t find anything (can’t find anything)~~ (x2)
16.	arcata community forest 03:05	lyrics	buy track
Holes in the eyes of the tall tall trees watching over me, looking down on me try to help me breathe try to help me breathe Empty plastic 40’s at the bottom of my bag trying not to think about the memories I don’t have feeling jet lagged I don’t wanna pack my bags Welts in my mouth butterfingers on your chest little mouse hands go and take your test up and down all those hills with your swollen ankle see how far you really can go, don’t you wanna know? The fog breathes with me whispers what you will do to me pull my jaw and make me beg daddy just fuck me, already… ~~little ghosts hovering, watching me covering my memory/floating through the trees try to help me breathe try to help me breathe/little ghosts hovering, watching me covering my memory/floating through the trees try to help me breathe/don’t you know I can’t breathe when I know you touched me?~~ I’ll come back someday, never gonna hear my say I don’t love you in a special kind of different way I’m a little liar when you pull my hair harder, it just gets me higher vision expanding and shrinking, can’t hear the things I’m thinking that you can drive a great bargain and maybe we should really keep drinking This fog makes it really hard to talk, going silent on our walks wet bong rattling with all my rocks Flashlights in the gravel, being fucked up is the kindest way to travel waiting at the bus stop kicking stones between my teeth tiny little coffins in a row for every boy I meet ~~chorus~~